you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
