Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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