You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
