Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
