I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
