So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
