my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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