What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
