Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
