i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
