Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
