best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
