Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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