You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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