I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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