If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I AM VODKA MAN
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My dick has a subreddit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
