i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
