The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
