I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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