he wants to bone in the snuggie
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
