I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
