and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
