If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just had sex on a roof
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
