i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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