He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
