I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
