No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
