So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize