Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
