My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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