we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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