Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
