your room smells of hookers.
And success
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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