alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
