You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
