You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
