i don't like sucking hair
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
