Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
