Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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