hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
These tits shall not be calmed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
