if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
