I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
