do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You took a bar mat shot.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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