At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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