you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
