meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
