it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
