how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
