you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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