Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
