i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
