I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
