i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
