Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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