Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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