i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
