Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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