If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
