Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
