You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
