Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
