Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
