im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
