When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
