She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
