We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
